I was meant to go to an introductory course in Transcendental Meditation yesterday. I didn’t make it.
Let me tell you how this happened.
I went to Brazil at the start of this year, and just before I left I had had about 6 months of late nights and around 12 to 14 hour days on a regular basis at work.
And I just could not cope. This is by no means a ‘poor me’ post, and there are a lot of people who work much more than this, who don’t work, or whose concept of work or life is really different. But I was struggling at the time. I could not find any balance in my life or mind – and it was like shoving seven pounds of shite into a two pound bag.
I told myself that I would put everything into racing to the finish line, the finish line being leaving for Brazil for 17 days. And I floored it. Then Brazil happened.
The first part was extremely scary, so much so that my skin flared up, and this was the first time my face reacted to stress and worry in this way – it was to happen again soon though. But never mind. I can go to Brazil with patches of brown, spotty and peeling skin. I gathered all up my bravery into a thimble, and carried it with me to the airport. The plane ride was easy – being a seasoned long distance traveller, I find long haul flights quite comforting. Once I got to Brasilia, I got a cab to my hotel. All good. The next day I got a cab to the bus station and took a bus to Patos de Minas, a tiny village in the middle of nowhere. That was scary as no one spoke English, my Portuguese was basic, and I had no idea when to get off, except that it was about 7 hours away. But I managed fine – thanks to the general friendliness and kindness of some people on the bus.
I was in Brazil for Capoeira – Capoeira deserves it’s own post, and so does Brazil really. This post is about how things built up for me. I spent a crazy two weeks travelling, playing capoeira, swimming, playing on the beach, and when I got home – I was knackered. And I went straight back into crazy hours at work as if nothing had happened, for the next three months.
Then I had another running leap to Malaysia – my home. I was heading home for a cousins wedding, and in the lead up I thought: ‘OK pedal to the metal again’. And busted a gut to get things done before I left. This time not only did my skin fall apart, so did my insides, and I got diagnosed with PCOS.
Two weeks in Malaysia for a wedding and a huge family reunion (I have 27 cousins and countless extended family) and when I came back, I was right back into it again.
Something had to give, so I looked at leaving work, but was convinced to stay. Something else has to change and all the signs were pointing to meditation. My sister teaches yoga, I wanted inner balance, I needed something to manage cortisol levels for my skin and PCOS, and then my friend Rod (from the first post) mentioned there was a beginners course in Transcendental Meditation. I had to go. This was yesterday.
But then I had to work to 10pm, and I missed it because of work. The very reason I needed to get there in the first place!
So I’ve decided – no more last push, no more slamming it, or you’ll just live from crazy to crazy with brief interludes of panicked rest in between.
Make the time to find balance in your every day – this is what I am going to try and do. I will make it next week…